^{P. Dendritiformis Colony: Eshel Ben-Jacob}

I'm boiling, bubbling, and humming this last week. I don't know whether or not such is discernible to others- But it is so. :)


Cannibal Bacteria Kills Siblings
The article was overall interestingly informative, but this part in particular just struck me upon reading it:

According to Ben-Jacob, bacteria are surprisingly intelligent: “In the medical community, they perceive the bacteria as a collection of dumb creatures, but they actually not.”
. . .
In this study, each bacteria colony is around four inches in diameter, and the number of bacteria is around ten times the world’s human population. Every individual bacterial cell is in constant communication with all the rest. “Think of it as if ten times the number of people on earth were all connected by SMS to every other one, sending messages all the time. It is even better than fastest kid texting today,” said Ben-Jacob.

I've held the perspective of analyzing things in patterns, rather than groups, for awhile now. I mean, evolution's relationship to erosion in rocks? The concept that change isn't just about lifeforms.

But I don't claim to understand energy at all. And I'm skeptical of human ability to interpret such things, anyway.

While being so happily involved with my blossoming lovelovelove for Web design blogs, I stumbled across the site of Steve Pavlina. I think the first entry of his that I read was simply related to web traffic or something. I think it was How to Make Money from Your Blog, which linked to his How Selfish Are You? article.

Very informative and thought-provoking, so I decided to check out more of his entries. I didn't know that part of his site's title directly referenced "smart people" at that time- I just appreciated the intelligence put into his posts.

One which I immediately had to check out from the side links upon seeing was this:
Soulful Relationships

Reading that was very helpful. It felt like it unlocked a portion of my head which suddenly enabled me to deal with a lot of stuff. Well, I think upon reading it, he lists out those first elements and I'm like, "Ah, yes. I follow." Moving into the second list it's a sudden jump to, "o shit, how true."

I've been saying for weeks upon weeks that I want to regain balance and harmony, which is an identification of a desire. That certainly goes pretty far in working things out. But recently it now feels like I've been handed a bunch of tools over the last couple weeks to start accomplishing these things I desire - Many of these tools coming through this particular Web site.

Anyway, I read just that article and found it much easier to step outside of myself and re-evaluate a lot of my interactions. I mean, I had read that second-mentioned article on selfishness and one of my thoughts was to a) forward it to someone I thought had been a bit selfish with his dealings with me, and b) ask him what he thought of it, ha. Upon reading this one though . . . I don't know how, but it helped me suddenly see a lot of the little-mindedness I've been keeping.

There were many things that struck me about it, this is just one in particular:

Love without attachment - Letting go of harmful relationships is easier because you’re still unconditionally connected to everyone else. As you release old relationships that no longer serve you, you’ll attract new ones that are compatible with you.

I only had to let that settle into my mind for a couple hours before I sent an email off to that one with whom I was going to bring up a discussion on selfishness . . . Instead I just decided to let him know that I realize that, throughout our friendship, I've been very . . . fearful, anxious. It has lead me toward being very small-focused. Trying desperately to do what I can to hang onto him and then limiting myself within our interactions out of a fear of being disappointing or not good enough or something. So I pointed out my recognition of that, and my goal to overcome that (and how it fits with my _{lately reaffirmed} personal goals of growing in general.)

It's odd, but focusing on the connections between people (similar to the connections among a bacteria colony, you know, the operations of existence in general) has suddenly made me feel immensely more secure in my autonomy.

I think I've been a very socially anxious person by default. Refocusing myself like this is helping me a lot to quit letting other people determine my moods. I mean, when I catch myself being unfair to someone in my head, I remind myself that I'm learning, they're learning, we're human, we're experiencing. I'm not in a place to judge, neither are they.


So that's a big jump for me . . . And then just . . . Checking out the rest of his stuff?

Well, I have some "issues" with the "self-help" realm, I suppose. I mean, I'm not linking to his home page because, though I definitely value this man's perspective, that whole pro-pro-pro go-go-go introductory language is sort of off-putting to me? I don't know how to describe that. It makes me think we have nothing in common.

But if you check out his The Meaning of Life: Intro article, he gives his sort of life story . . . Which is. Amazing.

I mean, he talks about dropping religion. He's obviously smart. He lays out his reasoning so his wording of things, which I am unused to, is easier to accept . . .

He discusses "lenses" there, which is good I think. I've realized recently that I've been putting a lot of stock into physical existence? I think when I dropped "religion" I sort of dropped the importance of "attitude" (or "perspective" or "framework.")

But I'm starting to pick it up again.

I think that's why I'm really appreciating this site. It's very followable for me. He's continually un-deluding himself and describing it in process. He's very upfront about money-making, flaws in past and present behaviors, the fact that he is not writing for everyone, et cetera.

So this site is really good for me right now. Like my Web design sites, it's very inspiring. I can see that this person has a lot of energy, and when I draw on it, I realize that it's easier to let go of some of the things (people . . . PERSON) I've been kind of clinging too unhealthily and what within I've been unfairly investing[i'm seeing how to construct the win-wins]. It's easier to see by example how someone can have an overall peace with others and a healthy/loving devotion to themselves within that context. . . . And be intelligent at the same time.

It's hard because it's very inspirational, but when people gush about things like this, I don't trust them, ha. And, like I said, the whole terminology is hard to become adjusted to . . . But it makes you kind of realize how conditioned your heart is in this world to immediately shut out anything vulnerably pure like this? Strange.



I've also realized that, you know, moods go up and down. But lately I've sort of let the fact that my moods and energy level will go down discredit the good times. I'm feeling better right now about just making the best of the good times and the best of the less great times.

The hard part though is that, when confronted with ideas about fully living one's life, you become faced with your desire to actually, you know, do it. Which means I have to get off my lazy ass. Fuck!




* * *

Summary:

• Life is good.
  
• I'm inspired by many things.
  
• In particular, I'm currently feeling greatly inspired by an atheist, raw vegan, polyamorous, ex-software developer who meditates, is married to a professional psychic medium and has experimented with many fascinating things (including polyphasic sleep).
  
• Wait, what?
  
• Yeah, you heard me.